The "6 Besties Theory" On TikTok Could Potentially Help You Understand Your Friendships Better, So Here's What It All Means

    "We have this idea of what a 'best friend' needs to be, and if someone doesn't check off every box in that checklist, we write them off..."

    Dannica Ramirez
    by Dannica Ramirez

    BuzzFeed Staff

    If you've ever felt unfulfilled by a friendship and don't know why, it might be because you're pouring yourself into the wrong bucket. Like, you might be expressing yourself to your Good Time Bestie when you should really be seeking out your North Star Bestie! Alright, I know what you're thinking: What the hell is she talking about?? Well, TikTok user @hellohayes recently went viral after explaining her "6 Besties Theory," which explains how one needs different friends for different purposes in life.

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    In the video, Hayes Robinson, a 30-year-old from Los Angeles, California, breaks down the different types of friends a person may have, and their roles. Hayes says in the TikTok that her theory "has made me feel more supported and loved by the people in my life."

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    In no particular order, the different friends Hayes mentions are:

    — The Dead Body Bestie

    — The Good Time Bestie

    — The Work Bestie

    — The Similar Ambition Bestie (later called the Seasonal Bestie)

    — The OG Bestie

    — The North Star Bestie

    After hearing the theory, people (me) were shook! It was eye-opening to hear someone verbalize that having different expectations for different friends was not a bad thing, but actually...healthy??

    comments from viewers saying their life is now changed and this concept is great
    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    So, to further explain the "6 Besties Theory," Hayes did a deep-dive into each archetype to help people not only understand the roles that their friends may play in their lives but also the roles they themselves may play in their friends' lives.

    Here's a helpful breakdown:

    1. OG Bestie — In this TikTok, which has amassed over six million views, Hayes describes an OG Bestie as "someone who knows your roots" and that "you don't have to explain any of your background to them."

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com
    For example, this person could be someone you grew up with or someone you went to school with. When I hear the term "OG Bestie," my mind immediately goes to my best friend and ride or die of 15 years!

    "Your bestie status was rooted in the past," Hayes explains in the video. "But now that you're older, things have changed. You might not know what's happening in their lives at every moment. You might go a few months without catching up."

    her in the video explaining the concept and definition
    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    "Doesn't mean you're no longer best friends — you're just OG best friends," Hayes continues. The TikToker then goes on to say that some people may take offense that their OG best friend has a different friend group or that they don't tell them updates about every little thing. However, that doesn't discredit their OG status. Hayes says, "They love you, you love them. You will always love each other, and you will always be there for each other." 

    2. North Star Bestie — If you have a friend that you go to for anything and everything at any time, they just might be your North Star Bestie.

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    Hayes describes a North Star Bestie as "someone who makes you feel more like yourself — your truest and most authentic self." Though this type of best friend has similar qualities to an OG bestie, the North Star Bestie isn't rooted in the past and can be someone you haven't known for a long time. "They accept you for you who are, and they never put pressure on you to show up a certain way," Hayes continues.

    her in another video explaining this in the camera
    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    "You do not need to be codependent or attached at the hip for someone to be your North Star Bestie," Hayes explains in the video. "The real power of a North Star Bestie is that you're comfortable ebbing and flowing, knowing that you'll always come back to each other." In regards to the similarities with the OG Bestie, the TikToker says, "Your OG Bestie could still be your North Star Bestie. Someone who's your North Star Bestie now could be your OG Bestie in 10 years. I think the first step in feeling better about your friendships is recognizing that not everybody is going to be your North Star Bestie."

    3. Work Bestie — Ah, the good ol' Work Bestie. The person you go to when shit hits the fan at work, when there's tea to spill, and, how Hayes puts it in her TikTok, "someone to share the load with."

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    Though there are some people who prefer not to involve work in their social lives, Hayes says she is "all about the Work Bestie" because "it's a survivor tool — and it's a beautiful one." Because let's be honest, how many times has a work bestie talked you off of the "I'm gonna quit right now" ledge?

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    "I find it's important to have a work bestie because it helps you not bring work home," Hayes explains. "By having a work bestie, it's nice because it's someone to share the load. That's a big part of this whole Bestie Theory — that you're splitting up your tentacles so that you have more people to go to for the things you need in life."

    4. Good Time Bestie — Everyone should have someone in their life to spice things up, and that's where the Good Time Bestie comes into play. "Here's what the Good Time Bestie is not," Hayes says in her TikTok. "She is not dumb, she is not toxic, she is not a bad influence."

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com
    Hayes continues, "A Good Time Bestie is someone who is down for adventures. They make you laugh, are great wingmen, and will travel with you to that cocktail bar to get the drink that smokes."

    Hayes explains in her video that even though your Good Time Bestie may know about the major things going on in your life, it might not go much deeper than that. "They show up for you when you're in need," Hayes says, "However, they show up in their way, which might not be your way."

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    "You might wish that your Good Time Bestie got you on a deeper level," Hayes says in the video. "You might wish they understood your work ambition, or your complicated relationship with a parent. You wish that they would always just say what exactly you need to hear and be the presence that you need." Because of this, a lot of people might turn to their Good Time Bestie thinking that they can be there for you in an OG or North Star Bestie type of way. "You gotta stop wishing that your Good Time Bestie is someone else," the TikToker explains. "She's your Good Time Bestie, and it's okay if she doesn't always have the perfect words. It's okay if she doesn't know your trauma. She can still be a best friend — a dear friend — and not do those things for you." 

    5. Dead Body Bestie — Despite the title this type of friend has, there is no crime or murder involved (hopefully). Hayes describes the Dead Body Bestie as "somebody you could call with your most shameful secret, a serious regret, a wild thing that you wanna do, and they're like, 'Yeah, okay.'"

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    One of the key characteristics that makes the Dead Body Bestie a Dead Body Bestie is that the friendship doesn't necessarily need a bunch of attention. According to Hayes, "Your Dead Body Bestie could be someone who you're really not connected to anymore outside of that sacred connection. This bond is special because it transcends niceties."

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    "You're really not offended by much with this friend," Hayes explains. "You could call them with The Thing, and then not freak out when you see that the last text you sent was 10 months ago. The only real expectation that you have is that they're there when shit hits the fan." TBH, this TikTok made me realize that I'm probably the Dead Body Bestie to a lot of people. #DeadBodyBestiePride. 

    6. The Seasonal/Similar Ambition Bestie — Sometimes you make a friend who's right there with you along for the ride because, well, they're on the same ride, too. Whether it's someone you're going through grad school with, someone who's new to motherhood like you, or even someone who's also training for a marathon, that person could be considered your Seasonal Bestie.

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com
    The Seasonal Bestie used to be referred to as the Similar Ambition Bestie, but after deciding that ambition wasn't the only thing this type of friendship was rooted in, Hayes changed the name to Seasonal Bestie!

    "Seasonal means the season of your life — someone who is walking down the same path that you are right now," Hayes says. "It's a person who you can nerd out or commiserate with over this shared season of life that you're in."

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    Hayes continues, "This is one of the most important besties to have, I think. As we go through different seasons of life, as we change — as we're bound to do — we might feel that our OG, North Star, Good Time Besties, like, they just don't understand us because they can't relate to the specific season that we're in." Hayes emphasizes the importance of being able to share part of your life with someone who truly gets it, and how beautiful it is being friends with someone you can fully engage with and who understands at the same time. 

    The 6 Besties Theory is certainly elaborate, so when asked how this theory came about, Hayes told BuzzFeed, "Because of the nature of having so many different types of people in my life — work friends, creative writing class friends, friends from high school that I don't keep up with much but I know will always have my back — I've had the opportunity, over many years, to think deeply about what role they each play in my life."

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    "I thought: 'Hm! You have an interesting point of view on friendship. Your perspective has actually made your life better and your relationships richer. How can you communicate this idea in a video so that other people can benefit from it, too? How do I make it lighthearted, fun, and instantly shareable?' And so...6 Besties Theory was born! It's not supposed to be super prescriptive, rather, a new way for people to think about their expectations of the people who matter most."

    Naturally, I was curious if Hayes currently has these 6 types of friends in her life, and how these archetypes came about. She responded, "I do! Most of my besties fit into a few archetypes at once. But I also have besties who are wonderful and funny and kind and supportive, but don't always receive me in the way I want to be received when I'm at my lowest. So I don't call them during those moments."

    hayes talking to the camera
    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    "That doesn't mean I don't like them, or that I judge them — in fact, it's the opposite. It means I respect them and our relationship and am not going to put myself in a situation that could make me resent them."

    If we're following the 6 Besties Theory, being able to clearly identify the purposes of your friendships allows for a more comprehensible and realistic set of expectations. Hayes told BuzzFeed, "I think that many of us expect one person to check all of our boxes. We have this idea of what a 'best friend' needs to be, and if someone doesn't check off every box in that checklist, we write them off."

    TikTok: @hellohayes / Via tiktok.com

    "This ultimately just hurts us and our ability to make and maintain friends. By applying the 6 Besties Theory in our lives, we're able to level our expectations and actually enjoy and appreciate the people in our life for who they are."

    Hayes said to BuzzFeed, "I've been living by my 6 Besties Theory for years now, probably since I graduated college, but it wasn't until this past December when I put it into words." And judging from the millions of views Hayes's theory has amassed, a lot of people are appreciative that she did. "You'll be more satisfied with your friendships," she says in her original TikTok. "Because you know who you're going to for what."

    While reading about the 6 Besties Theory, were you able to place your friends in each category? Do you know which type of bestie you are in your friends' lives? Let me know in the comments what you think about the 6 Besties Theory!

    For more content, follow @hellohayes on TikTok!